I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
