end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize