i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
