I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
