as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
