Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
