Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
