So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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