So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize