fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
