Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.

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(512): View more from Texas

we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

(510): View more from California

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...

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(616): View more from Michigan

my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.

(1-616): View more from Michigan

does that include her cleaning your bowl?

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(714): View more from California

he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm super disappointed in my clit.

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