i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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