Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
