I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
