we made out on top of his cat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
