the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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