Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pants 0. Shit 1.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
