yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
