Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
