8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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