There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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