is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
