apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
