i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
