Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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