So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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