So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
