you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will pee on everything he values.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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