If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
