i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
