I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
