While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize