If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
