NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
