There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
