so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
