The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
