belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize