the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize