; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
