We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
