He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
