i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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