my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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