no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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