Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
