I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
