yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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