I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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