I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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