I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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