One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
