Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
