Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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