i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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