I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
don't judge my taste in strippers
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
