i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
tell me about the eggs
Randomize