I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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