In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
