I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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