I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize