Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
