Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
zippers are such a cool invention
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
