Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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