who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am mentally ready for anal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
