I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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