guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
