Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My cat gives me a boner
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize