you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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